I am alone, but I am not lonely.

 

 

Today I have read three different stories with the same plots from three different women aging in mid-20s in my working-break time. They are young, fashion, pretty and looking charming. They all encountered three very rich men by chance who showed their generousness by crediting expensive staff which are beyond the reaches of these ladies, which could get every woman feel like day-dreaming that she has everything overnight, that she never looks at the price when shopping in Cavalli, Gucci and Christian Louboutin. Loads of women have been dreaming of getting a rich man who could pay everything for them. It seems these three pretties so lucky that they are envied by those window-shoppers who could not afford the designer shoes.

 

They all indulge themselves in shopping, with those supporting unlimited credit cards, thought they have found true love. They get everything so easily and do not want to come back to those days of shy pockets. They began to lost themselves, moving to massive luxury houses, isolating themselves from their work and friends,

 

However, good time did not last long. They all ended up with breaking up with those rich backers’ ‘good’ excuses-give each other some space, which did hardly come back.

 

One of them had to live with her parents instead of a five star hotel; shopping sprees are Primark not Prada. The others were left heart broken.

 

One minute they had the life most girls dreamt of, the next they had nothing left. Anyway they have to restart and move on forward. One of them said she miss the diamonds, but would never go back for it. She has now been sharing a small apartment with her boyfriend, a guy really loving her. Casise met Lee who does not have that much money, but who could give her much more in terms of security and commitment. Nicola run her own business and could afford to buy her own luxuries like a spots car and designer clothes.

 

Nothing is for free. Everything should be paid. People say we could hardly feel a sort of security in this increasing and cruel realistic world. I think being independent is the best way to protect ourselves from being hurt.

 

Sunday, August 05, 2007 

 

I had a sufficient relaxation for three days for the first time in about three months . No work , no study in university,  Staying home quietly , cleaning  my room ,enjoying my reading , with a cup of tea on my table ,writing down feelings around me,  I am offering myself a big pleasure .

Having finished reading of  the last chapters of Hillary Clinton’s Living History , my heart was quiet but with complicated thinking . I found it is difficult for me to organize any word to express  feelings deeply inside my heart. Compared with those glorious success behind her ,as the  first lady of America, I am touched more by every time her trying to rise from fall by those hard times and great pressure she had experienced which are difficult for normal people to imagine and handle.When she express the pain from the death of her dearest father , the desperation brought by the  scandal of her beloved husband ,  for many times my eyes filled with tears .I am appreciating ,and moved by, her strong determination, her love , her ever boosted spirit , her rationality, her confidence and her braveness that support her to the end ……

At night , after dinner with friends , I am staying in my room ,quietly and alone ,stringing along with these familiar musics, I am thinking of my parents with all best wishes to them and my three years best friend, a life- long confidant , I hope every thing goes well around her ……

 

 

Saying goodbye to 2006, 2007 a new start

 

2006 started up with a miserable ending of 2005. Clearly remember the last minute of 2005, I was so happy with excite, that  2006 eventually came as  my painful 2005 would end up,  eager a new start , letting  the sad stories of 2005 leave me far away.  All seems happened yesterday.

 

2007 is approaching. It begins with old stories left by 2006, nothing special. That  I am not so willing to let 2006  go as what  I did in 2005 is  something happened really unforgettable and worthy remembering . When collecting my memory of a better-than-expected 2006, many things burst into my mind and should be put in order as it happened.

 

In 2006, I finished my undergraduate study.  Back to those memory, I am deeply seized by those continuous efforts on my final year study, those pictures are vividly  shown in my mind as if it only past minutes ago , staying up in LRC with my group members , spilt every second, struggling for the deadline on  the assignment , the nervousness when waiting for the result coming out .  I am appreciate that in 2006 my study ,so far, was finished  with a better result , with less regret than should be.

 

2006 was  unusual , happily,  because  a new family was built  with my good friends as we moved together to a new house .It is the first time in my three years here that I could feel a kind of warmness and love as a family give. I really appreciate and value those  days with my dearest housemates, having big dinners , drinking  and  chatting together , always full of laughter .I think I could not expect more than these .

 

2006 was unforgettable, because I am leaning to understand what life is. I am learning to realise hard work would be paid back. I am learning to face reality and choices with calm and pain. I am learning to bear difficulty myself . I am learning to give up. I am leaning to think. I am learning to understand what love is . I am learning to be patient and tolerant. I am learning to be good.

 

2006 was filled with love as well as hurt. Thanks to 2006, I had experienced those happy days with love never happened before. The year of 2006 also was full of tears. I want to say sorry here to those I have ever hurt . I did  not meant to do that , sorry for my bad temper, carelessness and impatience.

 

2006 was full of choices. I am standing across the turning with hesitation, never know for sure which one suits me best. The thing is sometimes we are urged to make decisions when preparations are not made adequately .I am learning to make right decision at the right time with the failures before .

 

Saying goodbye to 2006. there are more stories I can talk than I could here ,there are more people in each story I want to include, there are more feelings I want to  express than my words limitation allows.

 

 The last second of 2006 was an exciting and fantastic moment when my fast beating heart was broaden to welcome a new year , a new hope .Goodbye 2006,  those people , those things , those memory , all is past as history.

 

2007, I am here as before  full of love and passion towards life. Good luck to myself and those people around me ….

 

 

 

 

 

In the early morning when walking out to the garden , I cant believe what I have seen, my little plant that have been raised by me for about three months totally died this time.I always keep it inside my room that it would increase more vividity . I barely  moved it out to the garden from my room until some yellow leaves coming out and indicating that it is in danger of dying , knowing that fresh air and sunshine could help it to relive .However this time ,when, again ,it showed that its life was  in danger, I moved it  out as usual ,  in order to make it gown up and recover as soon as possible, dislike before, I put some my so-called nurture-tea leaves , on it in hope that the yellow leaves would turn green quickly . Out of my expected , it turned out to be poison that killed it badly , no more green leaves , even the yellow ones lower their heads shyly .Staring at it for a while , mindlessly , I still cant believe it is out of life , much regret on what I have done on this little poor thing, God, how come! I was heart broken. There is no more chance it could be moved out and in from my room to the garden with happy face  I am the raiser as well as the killer

 

What is more , this plant is given by one of my friends to whom I promise to treat it well for months and give it back . Now it is totally of impossibility. I guess he is going to be mad when receiving the message……

 

 

Life is so fragile…….

 

 

 

 

The coming of  winter tends to make people feel lonely, if not for everybody, but at least for me .I am easily being seized by loneliness with darkness outside, deeply in the memory of those difficult days . I was told by myself thousands of times, babe being happy, getting out of those past , don’t cry over the spilled milk . Yes I am trying being best, struggling in darkness smiling, with hard determination, believing I will be stronger tomorrow.

 

When I think of yesterday, no more innocent smiling on my face, no more nervousness….. , the only thing left is I am feeling so frail , asking myself will anyone hold on to me  till tomorrow , I will never fail …..

 

Watching over the window, it is full of darkness around 5 pm. I am not ready being like this .I am really scared about it … I need someone help me get the darkness outside of my world. Otherwise I don’t know how  could I get through every darkness …

 

Life is full of dramatic changes  sometimes , whatever efforts you made, it is out of your control .I think such is the nature of life , how can one expect everything going well as wish.  I am not showing my attitude being passive towards life , but I have to admit something is beyond my thinking….

 

Every second chance begins with a first step- up. Life is filled with many choices which would probably make some changes ahead.  As time goes by , more complicated  choices have to be made , though the fact that you want to avoid any dilemma, unfortunately life sometime is only a trade-off.

 

Friends in life are of great importance at least for me. When you feel so sad , anywhere in your heart is of darkness , someone beside you holds your hand , telling you ,honey it is not the end of the world , tomorrow is another day , moving your tears away , I am here always with you… I am moved by the sincerity, I told myself deeply in my heart being together with one who needs comforts and help. Human beings are born to be supporting each other, never leave these who need help alone …

 

I think I need another reading of Gone with the Wind from which I can get more life directions and spirits from Scarlet being a beautiful woman, struggling with hardships with persistent efforts and strong determination, who is more beautiful internally.

 

Tomorrow is another day …

My summer holiday in China is near the end , feeling complicated. Emotionally, I don’t want to be apart from my family. I enjoy the life being together with them. In the morning , walking to the garden after a sweet sleep, I am giving a stretch with a sleepy face. Enjoy the quietness and freshness in the summer morning , Mom is watering the flowers and plants on which she is making great effort and whom she treat like her own children. Daddy is shaving , with a cute radio on his hand , looking around. Grandma is going out from the kitchen asking for breakfast. My lovely dog runs to her, as if a seat prepared well for him as well. My brother is still in his dream, who never gets up until the sunshine is hanging highly.To me this is the most enjoyment with them.

 

I have made a big progress this holiday. I began to realize the importance of cherishing every family member, friends and every day with them. Every evening I would go out walking with my grandma and parents for a while , that their healthy condition could be improved . Being active in front of them , making them happy , I am trying to give them more pleasure, doing my best to be a good daughter .One of my friend has ever told me that she was very regretted for her grandpa who died years ago. She was sorry she did not value the days with him that she once cried overnight. I understand her and im doing my best now . No more than ten days left before going back to the UK, I am seized with sadness, I know they would miss me when there is one less person, so would I .

 

Today my dear brother broke up with her two years girl friend making me in deep grief .I know they still love each other, however something happen making them apart, with a sad end. I know the girl and talked with her, tears around my eyes. Nothing can express my feeling .Life is full of choices and giving up. With one thing I can do is to wish them well in the future, still being friends, even I know it is of little possibility.

 

Everyone would change and be changed, I am changing it, in spite that I don’t know what it would be like. Pursuing my dream, I know anything could be happen and I am ready for them. I don’t mind how much money I would have , I don’t want to go after the material life, comparing with others being conceited. But I just want to try to be personal best with my persistent effort for the life in my mind .

 

TO BE CONTINUED 。。。

 

 

 

考试结束了,一下子不知所措.三年的大学生活就这样结束了, 有点留恋, 有点盼望, 有点迷茫, 有点矛盾…. 有点伤感.

 

三年的经历, 让我对一些事物有了新的认识. 慢慢的有了自己的人生观, 尽管不是那么定性… 自己的性格逐渐改变了, 不再那么任性,不再那么争强好胜, 不再那么大脾气, 不再那么傲慢… 可是有一样东西始终没有改变: 自信. 始终坚信自己通过努力能做到自己想要的事情. 从来没有放弃过自己的理想. 依然坚信自己永远都会做到最好的自己.

 

三年的学习, 整体来说算是不错.付出和收获是成正比的, 再聪明的人都不要存在侥幸的态度. 学习来不得半点马虎.曾经为自己浪费了时间而感到自责. 但是一切都过了,我所能做的只有吸取教训, 珍惜眼前的.

 

自己感到很庆幸, 三年的生活一直有好朋友陪伴着, 让我不再感到孤单. 感谢我的好朋友CC . 一个知心朋友, 一个一起疯狂的朋友, 一个一起学习的朋友, 一个一起幻想的朋友, 一个一起度过难关的朋友, 一个一起三八的朋友,一个我总是给她自信的朋友( 实话实说, 呵呵), 一个漂亮的女生, 一个最舍不得的好朋友. 还有曾经帮助过我的好朋友, 感谢你们. 我想这是我生命中最完美的回忆. 好朋友是靠真心诚意争取的, 它会给每个人带来快乐.真心祝愿这些朋友能够尽快找到自己的人生坐标, 快乐的生活.

 

 关于爱情, 自己只能无奈的笑了. 一直在等待着寻觅着只属于自己的一个人. 只是时间有些长了, 自己有些累了, 有点抱怨了. 可是从来没有动摇过, 我想我还会等下去直到他的出现, 一个值得爱的男人.

 

是到了该整理一下自己的思绪, 好好的为将来做个打算了.

 

生活恢复了正常. 晚上睡觉前又可以躺在床上欣赏自己喜欢看的小说, 然后慢慢入睡.....

Dear you :

 

 Three weeks left before the end of the uni life . feeling complx .....

 

Facing to the most difficult module,  im really under pressure .... but still need to be confident and smiling everyday.

 

The following days could determine , to  great  extent , my life in the future maybe.... terrible !!!

 

The only choice is to struggle till 1st June with my honey friends.... 

 

whatever results would be ,  preparing well is the only right thing to do now ...

 

Enjoy my last weeks there ...

 

Wish us lucky ...

 

                                           pengpeng

 

灿烂的阳光, 总会给人莫名其妙的幻想. 一个人静静的享受着阳光., 感觉很幸福. 好久没有这种感觉了. 早早的起了床, 看着镜子里的自己, 快乐的微笑. 生活依旧美好, 告诉自己tomorrow is another day .

 

耳边熟悉的旋律, 静静的回忆着. 自己还是幸运的. 其实, 一直都不喜欢回忆, 觉得最应该珍惜的是眼前的一切. 自己谨慎的生活着…...很小的时候总觉得自己不够成熟, 想把自己武装的很复杂. 然而, 是我变了, 还是错了. 简单的生活, 简单的经历, 简单的爱情似乎更能让自己快乐.

 

还是小女孩的时候, 读着张爱玲的白玫瑰与红玫瑰, 不解其意. 认为那是成年人的游戏.而现在拒绝明白,一个思想极端的女人,一个恋父情节极其严重的女人. 因为自己选择了简单…. 简单到像斯佳丽那样在复杂中执着, 坚强 , 美丽 , 勇敢…..

 

宁静的深夜, 破碎的心.耳边的安慰, 含着热泪,我笑了.庆幸着好朋友让我重新做回自己.其实快乐很简单.....

 

爱情是人类所有感情中最为奇特的一个.所有的字眼都不能诠释它的内涵.在爱的情感中.无论人们是悲苦还是沉痛，是忐忑还是尴尬，只要有一刹那的心动，就是幸福的.想要简单的爱情, 可是自己只能无奈的一笑, 问自己到底可以么.终于开始怀疑了, 我的所谓的简单到底有多么复杂……

 

不再为了凄惨的爱情故事而痛哭流涕, 不再幻想虚无缥缈的东西, 不再喜欢坏男人,不再追求华而不实的东西, 不再寂寞的拥抱, 不再等待感动,不再抱怨生活..….只想让所有的一切变的真实, 静静的期待着美丽的一天….. , 寻求着属于自己的东西…..让自己快乐.

 

深夜了, 回想着一个好朋友教我怎么快乐起来, 我笑了, 也被感动了….….